"I Know I’m Spiraling — But I Can’t Stop It"

It’s Wednesday, not a happy hump day, or even a "we are almost to the weekend". It’s that halfway point where you’re too far from the weekend to relax, and just close enough to Monday to still be pissed off about it. Add five hours of sleep, a broken house schedule, and a kid playing T.V./DVD roulette like he has found his mother’s last nerve and is poking it with a stick, a writing schedule that looks more like swiss cheese than coherent thoughts and guess what you’ve got… ME. Right now. Running on Watermelon Red Bull, rage, and a whisper of hope that seems more like a devil and angel situation. 

Let’s be real. Like in the trenches, bottom of the hole that you can’t climb out of, ready to get in your car and drive 90 down a busy highway to get as far from the situation as fast as possible, kind of real, right now. Life doesn’t hit the pause button because the kids are out of school for the summer and you are now their source for everything from entertainment and food to driving them EVERYWHERE for EVERYTHING. It doesn’t “play nice” because you have 10 hours or less of sleep in 48 hours. Nothing stops just because your body’s drained, your face hurts because of a broken tooth, and your patience is skating on thin ice in a heatwave. 

You still have laundry to switch (again), blog posts to write (like this one), and a house that’s divided into survival zones. And writing? That thing I love most? She’s over in the corner with crossed arms, tapping her foot like a disappointed teacher, asking if I’m ready to show up or not.

We are all playing the balancing game with spinning plates and chainsaws, just praying one doesn’t catch us in the leg or foot. Today, I’m settling for not screaming into the void while folding clothes and praying the kid doesn’t find another DVD to shove halfway into the TV. Today, I came up with more of a sanity plan instead of another to-do list that won't get to-done. 

But here is my midweek check-in that should make you feel better about your own life or at the very least let you know you're not alone. 

Laundry… hahaha. It looks like every stitch of clothes has exploded all over my house. This is why you never assume they are being good or asleep when they are quiet. 

Kid… he’s playing Russian roulette with movies on several sources, along with destroying his room with every toy he owns. Picking battles with him is like trying to remember if it's worth the high pitch screaming (non-Verbal child). Sometime like today, It’s NOT WORTH IT. 

Hubby… Let’s just say I’m overjoyed when he gets up and heads off to work. I'm then down to one kid instead of two. Love him to death but sometimes I wonder how there is a 15 year age gap between us. And I swear he acts like a damn cat, scoffing if something isn’t done or he doesn’t get his way. So, yea….

Me…. I’m holding it down with Caffeine, Nicotine, and RAGE. Channeling anger through housework and Characters that think they know better than me where this story is going… NewsFlash… They do. Currently, I have a house that looks like a tornado hit it, a yard that looks like wild kingdom, and 5 books going at once because yea I need that kind of Chaos in my life. Also editing one book, and trying to get back on track with a series. When I tell people I juggle chainsaws, they typically laugh at me. Then I explain… no one gets the joke but I do get some horrified looks. So hey a win in someone's book. 

My point is this: If you're feeling the burnout today, I see you, and sweetheart, I ain’t judging one damn bit. You’re juggling bills, heat, a house that won’t clean itself (no matter what Disney led us to believe), and creative work on top of it… you’re not alone. You don’t have to do it all today. You just have to do enough to get one step closer. And if all you did was show up and breathe? That counts too. 

Drop a comment and tell me what your chaos looks like this week. What zone are you battling today? And if your muse is acting like a diva, join the club. I brought snacks, drinks, and fuzzy blankets/socks. Take your pick. Because the real shit at the end of the day is simply we are all in this together. No one gets out of this alive and never trust your kid giving you a bag of chips to be sweet. They just can’t get them open.

Alright now. I'm going to go get the tiny (4’6 and a half inches and just as strong as me most days) chaos demon wrangled to go to speech therapy. First time I have left the house in days. Wish me Luck. 

Remember Be Brave, Be Bold, But Always Stay Humble.