Hey everyone! I know it’s been a hot minute since you have seen a post from me. First of all I would like to point out, as I always do, Burn out is fucking real and neglecting the signs is the quickest one way track to laying on your couch doom scrolling the day away. While also trying to convince yourself you will get up in a few minutes to handle that task that is now glaring at you.
Now, couple that with the plague hitting my house like a 747 and you have a small glimpse into what I have been dealing with for the last two-ish months. I got sick about two weeks before Thanksgiving and stayed sick till just after. Gremlin got sick on the first day of Christmas Break and is just recently back up to par. Thankfully the other half hasn’t caught more than a cough that was quickly handled.
And that’s life at this grand moment in time. Fighting off sickness, while also trying to get work done, is enough to make you want to scream. Also with the Gremlin off school, let's just say no parent is getting anything done right now. If you are out there with littles, special needs, or teens that think the cleaning fairy will get it, my hats off to y’all. We are all in the same fucking boat right now.
Which leads me into the whole topic of this post. Every year around this time, the internet gets loud about reinvention. All about New year, new you. Burn it all down. Become unrecognizable.
That’s never been how my life worked. Hell the best I ever got into doing anything like that was picking a new hair color, maybe trying a new style, but never reinventing myself. Because here is the kicker, I’m unapologetically ME. I don’t need a new personality, a new spine, or a clean slate. I’ve earned what I carry, and I’m done pretending survival skills are flaws that need polishing away. Because when push comes to shove, it has been my skills, in various areas, that have been sought after from my friends. From cooking to automotive, I have walked them through the steps from hundreds if not thousands of miles away.
What I and so many others need to be doing is choosing what comes with us into the new year. Think on that for one moment please. You don’t like your job? Figure out how to get into something that will fulfill you, while also keeping a roof over your head. (VERY IMPORTANT) You don’t like the company you keep? Maybe it's time to thin the herd a little. You recognize the person you see in the mirror? Honey, it's time for you to have a hard conversation with yourself. And this is just a few really great examples that I see everyday being thrown out there.
I am personally carrying forward the parts of me that learned how to function under pressure. Not that I haven’t been a master pro at that since I was like 8, but I’ve learned how to do it with a little bit more grace for myself. I’m taking the version of me that can build something out of scraps, keep moving when plans collapse, and tell the truth even when it’s uncomfortable to do so.
I’m carrying forward the creativity that shows up messy and late but always honest. The instinct to write through confusion instead of waiting for clarity. The refusal to package pain into something pretty just to make it palatable for others. Because at the end of the day that pain turned into a warning tale that so many others read.
I’m carrying forward boundaries that don’t require explanations, because at the end of the day when I say “hey that’s not gunna fly” Bet your boots its not going to. My private life is private unless I wish to share it. And when I say life be life-in, understand it's not that I don’t want to but I need to step back, because if I don’t no one is going to be happy with anything I do… Most of all, me. Love, creativity, and friendship doesn’t need an audience to be real.
What I’m not carrying forward is the expectation to perform growth for anyone else. The pressure to smooth my edges for approval. The belief that healing means becoming quieter, softer, or easier to digest. Because we all know that just isn’t who I am. Not as a person, mom, wife, writer, author, Co-Host or friend, I’m the same way online as you meet at any one of these conventions. I refuse to be anything other than who I am.
Growth, for me, in the new year looks like discernment. Choosing where my energy goes, and most importantly who/what it goes on. Because we are all out here begging for scraps (whether that be attention, time, or affection) from people who wouldn’t throw a glass of water on us if we were on fire, wouldn’t give food if we were hungry, or let us crash on their couches if we had no where else to go.
This is where the line gets drawn in the concrete not the sand. The tide will come in and take away that line on the sand, not the concrete. We all have to stand like statues in our peace, our convictions if you will, if we are to see any real change and stop circling the drain.
This space exists because I’ve been done with shrinking my voice to fit algorithms, timelines, or trends. I’m here to write honestly, live intentionally, and let the work speak for itself. No reinvention. Just continuation—with purpose.
So as we step from one dumpster fire into another (lets just set the expectation now), Are we team New Year New ME, or are we team leave what isn’t working and keep moving forward? Because the 2nd seems like a whole ass better option. So I pose this question for you my dear reader: What are you leaving behind and what are you carrying forward with you?
Tell me in the comments. I’m always here listening. And BTW if you don’t have anything going on Saturday nights, Come watch me and my crew. Links Below! Hope to See you there!
Be Brave, Be Bold, But ALWAYS Stay Humble.
https://www.twitch.tv/holdmypenpromptcast
www.youtube.com/@HoldMyPenPromptcast
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